I’m going blind again, but it shouldn’t last. Terrifying to think it might, though. If it does last then I will need to reconsider everything about everything. Questions without answers will be asked and hotly debated inside my own head. I will get angry with anyone who tries to draw that personal debate into a public forum. I will then change the topic, trying to segue into something related but not personal. Like, have you heard any references to blindness in song. You might respond, but in my own asshole way, I won’t listen. You might be trying to segue back to what I am segueing away from. I’ll then mention the line in the song by the under appreciated, two album band with the one good album, the Refreshments.
“I came all the way
From Taipei today
Now Bangkok’s pouring rain
And I’m going blind again
And I ain’t seen my girl
In fifteen thousand miles.”
Then you’ll try to say something again and if it’s not about Tom Waits I won’t be listening. You remember Tom’s line “In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king.” Then you’ll say something about that line not being Tom Waits at all. You say that Tom took it from Erasmus. Then I’ll say something like, “he probably took it from someone else. You know there is nothing new under the sun as they say. Speaking of sun.” You will realize that I am now segueing away from a topic I was ignorant about. I mean who the hell can pull Erasmus out of the air in a discussion on song lyrics and blindness. I know he accounted for 10 to 20% of the book sales in Europe in the 1530’s, but who doesn’t?
So you will know I am stumped and retreating into another topic. You will smile to yourself in the self smiling way that you have. I will continue with my transition all the while wondering if you are smiling to yourself.
“Speaking of sun, have you noticed how sunny it is at the beach on the days when it is sunny. How you can’t look up because of the sun, so you look down?”
“What?” You will say, having lost yourself in your internal smiles. You’ll be wondering if what I said made sense when I will have been free of any such burden. Free because I don’t care really what I’ve been saying. I’m just blindly pushing forward so that I don’t have to come back to the blindness thing. Ironic, I know.
“So, you look down at the sand and sometimes you see shells.”
“So, here are some pictures of shells.”